she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
