you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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