it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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