What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
