After last night, I could never be a politician.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
