i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
