And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
