I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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