Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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