its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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