SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize