he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
