You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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