Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
