seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is the high leading the old right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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