I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
