You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
