Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
