I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
