I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize