he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
