I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
