i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize