im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize