The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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