If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
