this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
