Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
