I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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