i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
