I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
