Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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