I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
