I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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