if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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