Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
