you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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