i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
