I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
