i just google imaged poop.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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