if only i could text you this smell
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
