God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
