hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
