Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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