Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
