covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
