WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
