Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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