he wants to bone in the snuggie
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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