My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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