The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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