I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
