What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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