I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
