Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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