i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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