remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
