So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
