I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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