Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I puked a lego.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize