So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
