I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
