and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
