I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
