You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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