Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
