i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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