Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
