my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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